We are often tempted to value resiliency over intimacy- it is easier to reconcile our strength as compensation for an inability (or unwillingness) to expose ourselves to attempting connection with others.
Yeah, it's a big temptation. We're not really taught how to hold both: resilience and self-sufficiency with interdependence, which only comes through vulnerability and connection.
Goosebumps Kevin! Leonard Cohen sang, “There is a crack, a crack in everything that’s how the light gets in.” Rumi professed “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Yes, the light gets in and I always proposed that the light also needs to get out too! Thrilled to see you write that!
What we seek is seeking us as Rumi shared. The light is love. Love seeks us as we seek love.
In his book “The Second Mountain”, David Brooks says our life story resembles the shape of two mountains. The first mountain is about ego and a vision of prominence, pleasure, and success. A journey dressed in the conditions that were often placed upon us. The first mountain of life is “I am what the world says I am.” Brooks stating that the first mountain is about acquisition. We conquer the first mountain. We get to the top and realize a deeper need still calls from aching bones. The second mountain pulls us up. Something calls us to the top in a way Franciscan priest and writer Richard Rohr describes the second half of life as “falling upwards”.
Rather than a Hero’s Journey, it is more so a Soul Journey. More inwards and deeper, circular yet fractal, less individual and more diversely community. Psychologist, mythologist, and author Sharon Blackie calling it a post heroic journey stating, “Its not about slaying the dragon, but about harnessing his special skills and making him part of the team”. Transformation of ourselves and of the world around us. If the first mountain is the safety of our ego, the second is the song of our soul. Individual to interdependence. The transcendence of self. Me to We. Head to heart. Heart to soul.
As Mate said “Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.”
The door only opens to the inside and “know thyself” was carved into the Greek Temple at Delphi for a reason. Connection starts with us and as we transcend to beyond a self we look for that non duality oneness of connection with everything.
As I hit my fifties I could finally see that our individual lives are defined by raw, aching, open questions. The ones that have no right to go away. Asking a beautiful question starts to shape our identity as much by asking it, as it does by having it answered. We must live the questions, here and now. Gradually without noticing it we will blossom into the answers as the great poet Rilke revealed. As we look back on our lives, we will see that the questions themselves were what shaped us all along. The questions are the journey. There is no bypass. As I wander in the spaces of that journey I write a little poetry to stay present and connect to it all!
I'm so glad it resonated with you! And your references to Brooks, Rohr, and the Hero's Journey--you're speaking my language. I wrote about Brooks' "Second Mountain" concept awhile back in case you're interested: https://www.rewildedsoul.com/p/4-the-wisdom-of-disillusionment
I love Blackie's perspective on the Hero's Journey. I have a slightly different take on it. From my perspective The Hero's Journey is all about the Hero discovering who they are, and uncovering their true identity. It's Luke Skywalker realizes he's a Jedi (and always was) or Thomas Anderson discovering that he's Neo. (I wrote about that, too, if you want to see how I think about that-->https://www.rewildedsoul.com/p/discovering-why-youre-here)
I'm so glad you're here. Looks like we're cut from the same cloth!
Your comments here are worthy of a post. I agree that as we hit midlife(or even before for wiser folk), we get pulled to more meaningful living and start asking better questions, leading to vulnerability, curiosity and hopefully true intimacy.
Thanks so much Kevin! Sounds like we will meet in the same section of the bookstore for sure! I’ll dive into your older posts for sure this weekend. I like Sharon Blackie’s take on the heroes journey with a comparison and different take to Joseph Campbell’s initial work on the theme. I guess it relates to what mountain we’re on and how we are perceiving that journey from a goal line ego perspective or a soul line awareness of being perspective. Both are valid and reality is always in the middle.
I look forward to meeting in between the spaces here and growing with you and your community. Bless you.
Totally agree on all fronts! Everything, ESPECIALLY this conversation around self-realization and growth, is like a million-faceted diamond. The view is different from every perspective. : )
Definitely, and it feeds into what Maslow was really trying to say at the top of the pyramid, self actualization or self transcendence. Good luck on your book! That’s one I can’t wait to read. Thanks for leading the way and leaving it better than you found it.
I loved reading this Kevin, thank you, quite a few phrases stood out to me which I jotted down as a reference to reflect on over this week, I was interested in your thoughts of denying yourself freedom, self-love, and joy - the nature of who you are - do you see this as a denial to experience these within yourself, or a denial to pursue a life where you experience this through what you do, or a combination of both?
I see the two as being inseparable because your "external" life and way of being in the world is a direct reflection of your inner recognition. If you know yourself as free, your expression through how you show up in the world will reflect that freedom. If you deny your essential nature then you will act, create, and be from that place of denial.
“I’ve started to re-frame intimacy. I now see it as the compound interest of consistent, courageous connection.” Indeed. Thank you for this beautiful work.
Fantastic article, Kevin. I've seen in my own life how vulnerability has made me a better human being. But vulnerability has one aspect missing, as you've articulated so well, and it's what true intimacy brings--sharing what comes out of the crack. I've always struggled with intimacy all my life and seen it as something more connected with sex. But reading your post has reminded me that not only is it not, but we men struggle badly with it. And yet all the men I've admired (Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain) oozed intimacy, and that's why they captivated us.
Thanks Mo. And, beautifully said. I just watched Roadrunner, the documentary on Anthony Bourdain. Wow, what a poignant look at intimacy and the role the "cracks" play in our lives. I've struggled with being seen and known all my life, too. I used to blame others for not teaching me how to do it better, but then I realized they weren't taught either. Like Ram Dass said, "We're all just walking each other home." So glad we're able to encourage each other along the way.
It is funny Kevin, as I just looked up your documentary, and under it was one on Mr. Roger's "Won't you be my neighbor?" I used to watch him with my son and take in the love he shot out the TV. I needed it just as much as my son. Maybe more. That somehow, seems like intimacy. And I am quite curious about the topic. I don't know how to write on it. Like Mo says, it is tangled in sex, or it can be. I am curious about how it relates to sacred sexuality and there is a lot swirling since I brought Mr. Rogers in here too. It does seem one becomes intimate with oneself and that seems a never-ending process with moments of bliss and pain. And I do feel somehow a sense of growing in energetic complexity...and maybe becoming more like a Kintsugi pot. With gold lines holding it together. I am enjoying your posts.
Truly a powerful piece, that I feel will be life changing when read in the right headspace. The reality that most people probably never completely accept themselves is both sad but also very true and confirms (to me) that accepting others is even more difficult and therefore unlikely. But - with work like this explained in such a digestible way, truly paves the way for hope that this type of change can happen and that hope is no small thing. Thank you for sharing this, the world needs more of this: reality defined.
We are often tempted to value resiliency over intimacy- it is easier to reconcile our strength as compensation for an inability (or unwillingness) to expose ourselves to attempting connection with others.
Yeah, it's a big temptation. We're not really taught how to hold both: resilience and self-sufficiency with interdependence, which only comes through vulnerability and connection.
Goosebumps Kevin! Leonard Cohen sang, “There is a crack, a crack in everything that’s how the light gets in.” Rumi professed “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Yes, the light gets in and I always proposed that the light also needs to get out too! Thrilled to see you write that!
What we seek is seeking us as Rumi shared. The light is love. Love seeks us as we seek love.
In his book “The Second Mountain”, David Brooks says our life story resembles the shape of two mountains. The first mountain is about ego and a vision of prominence, pleasure, and success. A journey dressed in the conditions that were often placed upon us. The first mountain of life is “I am what the world says I am.” Brooks stating that the first mountain is about acquisition. We conquer the first mountain. We get to the top and realize a deeper need still calls from aching bones. The second mountain pulls us up. Something calls us to the top in a way Franciscan priest and writer Richard Rohr describes the second half of life as “falling upwards”.
Rather than a Hero’s Journey, it is more so a Soul Journey. More inwards and deeper, circular yet fractal, less individual and more diversely community. Psychologist, mythologist, and author Sharon Blackie calling it a post heroic journey stating, “Its not about slaying the dragon, but about harnessing his special skills and making him part of the team”. Transformation of ourselves and of the world around us. If the first mountain is the safety of our ego, the second is the song of our soul. Individual to interdependence. The transcendence of self. Me to We. Head to heart. Heart to soul.
As Mate said “Safety is not the absence of threat; it is the presence of connection.”
The door only opens to the inside and “know thyself” was carved into the Greek Temple at Delphi for a reason. Connection starts with us and as we transcend to beyond a self we look for that non duality oneness of connection with everything.
As I hit my fifties I could finally see that our individual lives are defined by raw, aching, open questions. The ones that have no right to go away. Asking a beautiful question starts to shape our identity as much by asking it, as it does by having it answered. We must live the questions, here and now. Gradually without noticing it we will blossom into the answers as the great poet Rilke revealed. As we look back on our lives, we will see that the questions themselves were what shaped us all along. The questions are the journey. There is no bypass. As I wander in the spaces of that journey I write a little poetry to stay present and connect to it all!
Connect
Create Meaning
Make a difference
Matter
Be Missed
Great post Kevin!
I think I’ll like it here.
I'm so glad it resonated with you! And your references to Brooks, Rohr, and the Hero's Journey--you're speaking my language. I wrote about Brooks' "Second Mountain" concept awhile back in case you're interested: https://www.rewildedsoul.com/p/4-the-wisdom-of-disillusionment
I love Blackie's perspective on the Hero's Journey. I have a slightly different take on it. From my perspective The Hero's Journey is all about the Hero discovering who they are, and uncovering their true identity. It's Luke Skywalker realizes he's a Jedi (and always was) or Thomas Anderson discovering that he's Neo. (I wrote about that, too, if you want to see how I think about that-->https://www.rewildedsoul.com/p/discovering-why-youre-here)
I'm so glad you're here. Looks like we're cut from the same cloth!
Your comments here are worthy of a post. I agree that as we hit midlife(or even before for wiser folk), we get pulled to more meaningful living and start asking better questions, leading to vulnerability, curiosity and hopefully true intimacy.
Thanks so much Kevin! Sounds like we will meet in the same section of the bookstore for sure! I’ll dive into your older posts for sure this weekend. I like Sharon Blackie’s take on the heroes journey with a comparison and different take to Joseph Campbell’s initial work on the theme. I guess it relates to what mountain we’re on and how we are perceiving that journey from a goal line ego perspective or a soul line awareness of being perspective. Both are valid and reality is always in the middle.
I look forward to meeting in between the spaces here and growing with you and your community. Bless you.
Totally agree on all fronts! Everything, ESPECIALLY this conversation around self-realization and growth, is like a million-faceted diamond. The view is different from every perspective. : )
Definitely, and it feeds into what Maslow was really trying to say at the top of the pyramid, self actualization or self transcendence. Good luck on your book! That’s one I can’t wait to read. Thanks for leading the way and leaving it better than you found it.
I loved reading this Kevin, thank you, quite a few phrases stood out to me which I jotted down as a reference to reflect on over this week, I was interested in your thoughts of denying yourself freedom, self-love, and joy - the nature of who you are - do you see this as a denial to experience these within yourself, or a denial to pursue a life where you experience this through what you do, or a combination of both?
Hi Emma 👋🏼! I'm glad it resonated with you.
I see the two as being inseparable because your "external" life and way of being in the world is a direct reflection of your inner recognition. If you know yourself as free, your expression through how you show up in the world will reflect that freedom. If you deny your essential nature then you will act, create, and be from that place of denial.
thank you for this awesome insight.
🙏
“I’ve started to re-frame intimacy. I now see it as the compound interest of consistent, courageous connection.” Indeed. Thank you for this beautiful work.
Thanks Cecily 🙏.
Fantastic article, Kevin. I've seen in my own life how vulnerability has made me a better human being. But vulnerability has one aspect missing, as you've articulated so well, and it's what true intimacy brings--sharing what comes out of the crack. I've always struggled with intimacy all my life and seen it as something more connected with sex. But reading your post has reminded me that not only is it not, but we men struggle badly with it. And yet all the men I've admired (Robin Williams, Anthony Bourdain) oozed intimacy, and that's why they captivated us.
Thanks Mo. And, beautifully said. I just watched Roadrunner, the documentary on Anthony Bourdain. Wow, what a poignant look at intimacy and the role the "cracks" play in our lives. I've struggled with being seen and known all my life, too. I used to blame others for not teaching me how to do it better, but then I realized they weren't taught either. Like Ram Dass said, "We're all just walking each other home." So glad we're able to encourage each other along the way.
It is funny Kevin, as I just looked up your documentary, and under it was one on Mr. Roger's "Won't you be my neighbor?" I used to watch him with my son and take in the love he shot out the TV. I needed it just as much as my son. Maybe more. That somehow, seems like intimacy. And I am quite curious about the topic. I don't know how to write on it. Like Mo says, it is tangled in sex, or it can be. I am curious about how it relates to sacred sexuality and there is a lot swirling since I brought Mr. Rogers in here too. It does seem one becomes intimate with oneself and that seems a never-ending process with moments of bliss and pain. And I do feel somehow a sense of growing in energetic complexity...and maybe becoming more like a Kintsugi pot. With gold lines holding it together. I am enjoying your posts.
Truly a powerful piece, that I feel will be life changing when read in the right headspace. The reality that most people probably never completely accept themselves is both sad but also very true and confirms (to me) that accepting others is even more difficult and therefore unlikely. But - with work like this explained in such a digestible way, truly paves the way for hope that this type of change can happen and that hope is no small thing. Thank you for sharing this, the world needs more of this: reality defined.