Outgrowing People In Your Life, The 3 Steps to Transformation & More
Outgrowing People In Your Life, The 3 Steps to Transformation & More
Welcome to the Friday Master:Mind, a weekly edition with some contemplative ideas for your weekend.
Two quick announcements before we dive in:
+ I’m hosting a free virtual class next Wednesday: “Out of Your Head & Into Your Heart: The 3 Paths of Soul Rewilding”. Interested? Get all the details and join here (registration is required even though it’s free.)
+ The Rewilded Soul podcast is here. If you’d like to join me, you can subscribe on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your ear candy.
A QUOTE
Steven Pressfield, Author of Do the Work and The War of Art on personal transformation:
The problem with friends and family is that they know us as we are. They are invested in maintaining us as we are. The last thing we want is to remain as we are.
Many people never unlock their deeper potential out of fear of how those closest to them will respond.
You’ll outgrow a lot of people when you start doing what’s in your higher good instead of what makes them feel comfortable. Some people must be left lovingly behind if they’re unwilling to grow with you.
DOING THE WORK
The 3 Steps to Transformation
Over the years I’ve spotted a pattern in personal transformation. It follows a predictable flow, which I see as a formula or equation:
Transformation = (Insight + Understanding) x New Conscious Choices
Step #1: Insight
Insight is the initial spark of transformation.
Insight happens when my unconscious thoughts, actions, and habits finally come into my awareness, often sparked by encounters with Resistance, transcendent experiences, or an all-out existential crisis.
Insight is a instant of recognition when reality is seen clearly, just as it is. Reality doesn’t change, but how I think about it does. In that way, recognition is re-cognition, a change or correction in perception. It’s like seeing a stranger in the park and then, as you get closer, you recognize them as your best friend. They were never a stranger at all!
Insight alone isn’t enough, though. We all know people who are addicted to the dopamine high of new insights, and never apply what they discover. As a result, their lives remain the same year after year.
To become fuel for change, Insight must be catalyzed by Understanding.
Step #2: Understanding
Transformation = (Insight + Understanding) x New Conscious Choices
Understanding can come in a flash, too, or it may come slowly through the process of Doing the Work internally to excavate long buried motives and patterns that silently dictate our lives.
When you understand why you do what you do, think certain thoughts, or sabotage your life from within, you are no longer a prisoner to that thought, behavior, or habit. That is the first moment of freedom.
When you’re unconscious of a pattern, you’re not responsible for it. You are innocent by reason of ignorance… or insanity. You know not what you do. (This is also true of others, which is an opportunity to practice compassion.)
The moment you become aware, however, you’re fully responsible for what you now understand. You might still be standing in a prison of your own making, but you’re now holding the key. Of course, you still need to step out of the prison, which no one can do for you.
Step #3: New Conscious Choices
Transformation = (Insight + Understanding) x New Conscious Choices
Taking conscious, consistent action on your new understanding is the multiplier effect. Here, transformation expresses itself in, through, and as our lives.
Deep insight and understanding matter only when they are embodied through New Conscious Choices, which lead to stepping out of our prisons and into the daily practice of forming new habits.
Transformation is a process of becoming through new ways of being and doing. This requires taking full, even radical responsibility for your self, something most people don’t want to do.
It takes great courage to own your life fully, inside and out, and align your ideals and actions.
A PARABLE TO CONTEMPLATE
A Butterfly Dream
Of all the parables attributed to Chinese philosopher Chuang-tzu, few are more famous than the story of his butterfly dream:
Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering here and there. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was Chuang-tzu.
Soon I awakened, and there I was, just myself again.
Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.
They say perception is reality, but is it?
ARTICLE + BOOK RECOMMENDATION
How to Take Back Your Attention
I hit some mental walls earlier this week and found my attention scattered. What helped me get back on track was this perfectly timed piece by my friend,
.It’s a short read, but packed with three practical tools you can try for yourself in the next five minutes (or whenever you’re attention might need to be re-focused).
Also, a well-deserved plug for his book Brave New You is in order. If owning your life by owning your mind is a priority for you, this book is worth your time.
Join other intentional humans in 104 countries and 49 U.S. states who are committed to creating a life of freedom and fulfillment through Self-awareness.
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That quote, from Steven Pressfield, resonates with me strongly. Summers are always a time of looking deeply at myself and realizing I have to let go of some people who aren't willing to let me be who I am becoming, but want me to stay the me I was. Thanks for sharing! XO