Cultivating a Life of Influence

From Insight to Impact: How Knowledge Becomes Influence

At birth, our Human Operating System comes pre-installed with at least three primal desires:

1. We want to feel safe.

2. We want to belong.

3. We want our lives to matter.

Everything we do (or avoid) serves to fulfill these desires. The three are entangled, of course, but unique. Looking back on 25 years of work, I can see how I naturally gravitated to one over the others in different phases of my life.

Now in midlife, much my own attention personally and in my work with clients is focused on #3. What does it mean to matter and to live a life of impact and influence? What actually is influence?

Entire books have been written on the topic of influence, so a short essay is just a glimpse. Still, among the complexity, simple principles emerge that anyone can use to start understanding the true nature of influence, the three stages of its evolution, and how to consciously cultivate it through those stages.

Stage 1: Insight

Insight is the raw material, the beginning, of influence.

Insight (or knowledge, if you prefer that word) is knowing about things.

It is an intellectual understanding that has yet to take root in a person’s being through direct experience, time, and testing. Insight is book smarts. It’s someone who has read every book, listened to every podcast, and watched all the videos on how to master pickleball, but has never actually played a game.

Insight is unearned wisdom.

Everyone starts here. Everyone. Sadly, many people get stuck here, never evolving their insight to the next step.

Why?

Insight is seductive. With some sleight of hand, it can feel convincingly like authority (more on that in a minute). Case in point: the internet, which is awash in the unearned wisdom of 23-year old life coaches, entrepreneurs who make money by telling others how to make money, and people whose strategy is “fake it till you make it.”

Knowing about things can make us (and others) think we know what we’re talking about when we actually don’t. A river that is a mile wide and an inch deep may look impressive from a distance, but it’s still shallow and will never carry you downstream.

In order to be impactful, insight must deepen and be transformed into its next stage: authority.

Stage 2: Authority

Authority is insight solidified through direct experience.

It is an applied, embodied understanding that transcends insights, theories, and even beliefs. Authority is rooted in Knowing (capital K), not simply knowing about. It is the inevitable byproduct of direct experience in Life’s arena.

Authority is earned wisdom.

Authority has a different texture and vibration than insight, facts or theories. It can often be felt. We’ve all met people who don’t need to convince us they know what they were talking about. It’s clear that their wisdom runs a mile deep.

This raises a question: does someone need to be publicly known to be an authority? I don’t think so. I have friends and clients whose lives resonate with deep authority, yet they live in relative obscurity.

Often, though, those who authentically embody earned wisdom are drawn to share it so others can benefit from their experiences, successes, and failures. This is where authority has the potential to alchemize into something new and powerful: Influence.

Stage 3: Influence

Authority transforms into Influence when it inspires others to think new thoughts and take new actions that lead to change.

While insight and authority are individual and finite, influence is unbound and limitless. Influence inspires, persuades, and activates new possibilities in others that wouldn’t have existed otherwise.

Influence is insight and authority externalized and embraced by others.

Of course, influence cuts two ways. As human history attests, we can influence (and be influenced) to take actions that are creative or destructive. You need only spend ten minutes on social media or watching the news to see it in action.

Influence isn’t necessary loud, though. It also doesn’t always have an agenda, stage, or strategy. Think of the people in your life that have influenced you the most. It’s more likely than not that they weren’t trying to influence you. Their impact on you was a natural result of their way of being in the world.

In that sense, true influence often has accidental beginnings. Someone sets out to simply be themselves, and that resonates with others in authentic ways that move them to make new choices. I enjoy being around people like that, don’t you?

On the other hand, those who typically set out to be seen as an influencer for selfish reasons set off our BS meters, which have become more finely attuned over the years.

Can we intentionally cultivate an influential life?

Yes. The more vital question to ask is, “What kind of influence do I want to have, and why?”

If your intention is to influence or manipulate others for selfish reasons, I’m not your guy. There are plenty of books and online courses that will gladly teach you the ways of The Dark Side for a reasonable fee (payment plans often available 😉).

If your intention is to be of service in a truthful way, the way forward is simple because it is founded on timeless principles and values. Cultivate the principles that make it possible for insight to grow into authority, and then bloom into influence, and you will have what you need.

There are many principles, though I think these three stand out as pillars to me—Curiosity, Humility, and Generosity.

Curiosity

The precursor to influence is authority, and the raw material of authority is insight. Be a collector of insights, a curious explorer of life. As many sages have said over the millennia, have a beginner’s mind.

Ask questions like:

• Is that really true? How can I know?

• What might I have wrong about this?

• Can you tell me why you believe that? I want to understand you more.

Playfully plunge into life and view it as a teacher that is presenting you with learning opportunities in every moment and through every interaction and relationship.

Humility

Socrates said, “The only true wisdom is knowing that you know nothing.”

Ultimately, Reality (capital-R) is unknowable in its totality. Hold all of your ideas, certainties, and dogmas loosely. We’re all like ants walking across a quantum computer trying to convince each other we know how the Great Big Thing works… using our limited ant language.

The most impactful kind of influence is rooted deeply in the rich soil of Humility.

Generosity

Share your life. Give to give, not to get or advance your agenda. Don’t be afraid of sharing your experiences, especially your challenges and failures. Everyone tends to think everyone else has their life perfectly together. Show your humanity.

There is a paradox at play: Influence isn’t diminished at all when you share yourself generously. Instead, it multiplies the more you offer the inner treasures of your heart—your earned wisdom and vulnerability—to the world.

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There is one you. You are a one-time only, unique expression of the totality of Everything. You are already influencing those in your life simply by nature of your being. By becoming aware of this fact, and learning to cultivate its impact even more, you can begin to amplify your service to the world.